All aboard the Star Wars hype train

This trailer dropped last night during halftime of a brutal Monday Night Football game. Immediately, movie ticket websites were crashing or bogged down. I even saw the hype in the newsroom.

People who don’t even care about football were glued to ESPN. I overheard a conversation about whether or not Boba Fett died inside the sarlacc. Our floor director was jumping up and down when the trailer finally aired.

The hype for the newest Star Wars movie is certainly real, but the question is, “Am I hyped?” It’s fair to say that I don’t get hype about very many things. In fact, I can only think of one trailer that got me really, truly, hype.

That’s not to say this trailer isn’t good. In fact it showed me the things I wanted to see. Ever since the second teaser showed a giant, crashed star destroyer, I was hoping someone would explore the ship. Right off the bat in this trailer, we see our protagonist exploring the ship.

I’m also excited to see where the story goes, but not to the point of actively looking for information. I’ve kind of been avoiding information because I just want to see it on the screen. I guess I’ve changed a lot since the days of endlessly researching the backstory of Cloverfield (Where is our sequel?).

Overall, I’d say I’m excited, but I won’t be hyped until Lando shows up.

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Fantasy basketball

Song that has nothing to do with Star Wars

Was wrestling good last night?

No.

Get Hype Game of the Night!

Mets vs. Cubs – 8:07 p.m. – TBS

The Mets have lost seven straight games at Wrigley Field. deGrom is facing Hendricks tonight.

I want to be Jose Bautista when I grow up

I can’t stop watching this clip. Jose Bautista must have the Infinity Gauntlet, because he has complete mastery over time, space, mind, soul, reality, and power. Mostly power.

The game might have been played in Toronto, but I think the ball landed somewhere near Dallas. In 1963. That home run broke space time and killed JFK. You can see it on the director’s cut of the Zapruder film.

He smoked that ball. I’m serious. Jose Bautista hit a ball so hard that it took on a gaseous form. And then he watched it. You can see his eternal monologue. “Man, I just did something really cool, but I should probably call Bill Nye and tell him that I can alter matter.”

A lot of people focus on the bat flip, but the stare really does it for me. Nothing says “I’m a better person than you” like staring a hole into a pitcher after sending his life’s work into orbit.

Not to say the bat flip wasn’t great as well. It was a dismissive, non-verbal way for Bautista to let Sam Dyson know that he’s not even worthy of belonging to the same species as Joey Bats. It reminded me of when Jordan put my boy Harold Miner in his place.

Vicious. In all seriousness, though, The Blue Jays, Jose Bautista, and his Joe Budden facial hair are going to win this whole thing. Might as well enjoy the ride.

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Fantasy basketball

Song for looking like Joey Bats

Get Hype Game of the Night

Mets vs. Dodgers – 8:07 p.m. – TBS

Mets are trying to clinch their first NLCS bid since 2000. Greinke taking on deGrom.

Everything’s coming up Milhouse

I’ve been in a funk for the last two months. Dealing with this new job, while still working at Pirate’s Cove, left me with very little free time. And what free time I did have, I spent sleeping.

It was a very taxing experience, being “Mr. No Days Off.” I don’t know how Darren Young does it.

I lost track of time. Everything just blended together as one long work day. I felt like I was on a terrible ride and I couldn’t get off.

But now, Pirate’s Cove is done for the season. As much as I’ll miss it, it’s nice to be able to have my weekends back.

And the timing couldn’t be better, as Regis is back home from his 12th different job. Now I can do everything I’ve missed out on the past couple months, like play poker and go golfing, or maybe stop by a bar to watch a game.

I feel like I’m a real person again. I can’t even express how happy I am right now. It’s all positive from here on out.

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Fantasy basketball

Song for losing track of what day it is

Get Hype Game of the Night!

Rangers vs. Blue Jays – 4:07 p.m. – FS1

The Blue Jays were able to stave off elimination for two straight games on the road. Hamels faces Stroman in the fifth and final game of the series.

The Playa Hater’s NHL Preview

The NHL season starts tonight, so you officially have something to watch if the baseball playoffs aren’t your thing. That also means we’re about a month away from the NBA starting up again, but we’ll deal with things one at a time for right now.

Here are my predicted standings for this season.

Atlantic Division

  1. Tampa Bay Lightning*
  2. Montreal Canadiens*
  3. Ottawa Senators*
  4. Detroit Red Wings*
  5. Boston Bruins
  6. Florida Panthers
  7. Toronto Maple Leafs
  8. Buffalo Sabres

Metropolitan Division

  1. New York Rangers*
  2. Washington Capitals*
  3. New York Islanders*
  4. Pittsburgh Penguins*
  5. Columbus Blue Jackets
  6. Philadelphia Flyers
  7. New Jersey Devils
  8. Carolina Hurricanes

Central Division

  1. St. Louis Blues*
  2. Chicago Blackhawks*
  3. Minnesota Wild*
  4. Nashville Predators*
  5. Winnipeg Jets*
  6. Dallas Stars
  7. Colorado Avalanche

Pacific Division

  1. Calgary Flames*
  2. Vancouver Canucks*
  3. Los Angeles Kings*
  4. Anaheim Ducks
  5. San Jose Sharks
  6. Edmonton Oilers
  7. Arizona Coyotes

Playoffs

 

Screenshot (1)

MVP: Carey Price

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Fantasy Basketball

Song for being honest, but also real

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Cubs vs. Pirates – 8:08 p.m. – TBS

Arrieta has dominated Pittsburgh this season, allowing only four runs in 36 innings. He faces Gerrit Cole tonight.

The Playa Hater’s MLB Playoff Preview

Yes, Red Sox fans, the MLB playoffs start tonight. I know, I was surprised too.

Tonight (and this is a spoiler alert for the Get Hype Game of the Night), the Astros travel to New York for the AL Wild Card Game, officially beginning the postseason. In order to get you ready for next month of baseball that actually matters, I’m going to give you my predictions.

Feel free to take these to the bookie of your choice.

AL Wild Card Game – Astros vs. Yankees

It’s unfortunate that the second and third-best teams in the MLB, forget just the AL, have to play each other so early. And I’m serious about this. There are four teams in the AL playoffs I would take over the best team in the NL. You want to see the Cardinals in a competitive World Series? Bring in the Orioles.

Anyway, as for this game, I like the Astros too much to see them bounced this early. Houston wins a 1-run game on the road to advance.

Pick: Houston

NL Wild Card Game – Cubs vs. Pirates

The NL this season was all about the Central Division. Everything else was just a side story. So, instead of these teams getting to face each other later, we have to knock one out right now. Pittsburgh hangs on at home for a 1-run victory.

Pick: Pittsburgh

AL Divisional Round – Rangers vs. Blue Jays – Astros vs. Royals

I’m not sure there’s ever been a top seed more under-the-radar than the Royals. And you know what? I’m completely OK with that. The Royals can stay under the radar with their small ball shenanigans. I want to watch people hit home runs and flip bats.

Pick: Houston in 4

The other series is easily the most lopsided match-up in these playoffs. This is going to be a massacre.

Pick: Toronto in 3

NL Divisional Round – Pirates vs. Cardinals – Mets vs. Dodgers

We get the NLCS a little early this season. The Cardinals are a boring lot, which is why it’s going to hurt me to put them in the World Series.

Pick: St. Louis in 4

In the second NL Divisional series, we get what will probably be the most competitive series of the whole playoffs. I see the Dodgers having the slight edge because of the two aces they have.

Pick: Los Angeles in 5

AL Championship Series – Astros vs. Blue Jays

Oh yeah. This is what baseball is all about. The two best teams in the league slugging it out in a long and entertaining series. Well, at least an entertaining series. Toronto is really good at baseball.

Pick: Toronto in 4

NL Championship Series – Dodgers vs. Cardinals

Stupid Cardinals. I hope some other team can give them their comeuppance in the World Series.

Pick: St. Louis in 4

World Series – Cardinals vs. Blue Jays

This is a battle of the two birds that your mom will call you over to look at every time she sees one. And much like those birds, the opportunity to watch this series will be over before you know it.

Pick: Toronto in 4

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Fantasy Basketball

Song for partying with a drunk Kawasaki

Was wrestling good last night?

Yes.

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Astros vs. Yankees – 8:00 – ESPN

Dallas Keuchel is going up against Tanaka on short rest.

A “highly unnecessary” tribute to Don Orsillo

A lot of important sports things happened yesterday. Arian Foster let me down, Brendan Rodgers was sacked, and Don Orsillo called his last game for the Red Sox on NESN.

That last one probably hurts the most. Orsillo was a major part of one of the best booths in baseball. His ability to call an objective and interesting game is second only to Vin Scully. And yet NESN has decided that they will not renew Orsillo’s contract.

Somehow Ken Harrelson still has a job.

Orsillo is so respected in the business that members of both the Red Sox and Indians had tributes for him yesterday.

Aside from his play-by-play ability, Boston will always remember the giggle fits common to a NESN broadcast. I’m serious, go to MLB’s YouTube channel and search “Orsillo.” There isn’t a dull moment.

A personal favorite is when Don was feeling really Texas.

The only clip you need, though, is the classic pizza toss. This is the NESN booth at its absolute best.

Have fun in San Diego, Don.

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Fantasy Basketball

Song for throwing pizza

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Lions vs. Seahawks – 8:30 p.m. – ESPN

It’s not a great night for sports. The Lions have yet to win this season, while Seattle has won its last six games at home.

Morning football is great

It’s that time of year again. The NFL continues its international takeover by sending a mediocre game to London, just because it can.

While Miami fans may be whining about losing a home game, the rest of us gain something we desperately crave: Another football time slot.

It’s not my favorite sport, but I recognize that football is a precious commodity. I, as a consumer, want as much as I can get. Who am I to complain about football being on TV from 9:30 a.m. until 11:30 p.m.?

This model should really be embraced more often. Baseball does it on Memorial Day, the NBA has Christmas, and college basketball has the 24 hour kickoff.

Expanding national TV exposure can only be good for any organization. So give us more morning sports. Maybe then my dad will stop yelling at me for watching soccer so much.

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Fantasy Hockey

Fantasy Basketball

Song for watching morning sports

Was wrestling good last night?

No.

Get Hype Game of the Night!

Bayern vs. Dortmund – 11:30 a.m. – FS2

Der Klassiker is the highlight of the week in the Bundesliga. Dortmund just hopes that they can slow Lewandowski down a little bit.