Category: Not Sports

An unhelpful guide to the 2016 election

Well folks, it’s finally time for the 2016 election. I’m going to be spending my Election Day bouncing between panic attacks, so I figure I’d might as well have a little fun on one of my favorite days of the year.

If you’re bored enough to be a regular reader, you probably noticed that I haven’t posted since getting a full-time job. There are various reasons for that, but since it’s Election Day Eve, I’ve never felt like I had more job security/willingness to get fired.

To be safe, though, I should note that the views expressed in this blog do not reflect the views of anyone I work with or for. They also don’t interfere with my ability to do my job professionally, and any assertions to the contrary are silly.

With that out of the way, I’m going to break down my ballot here in Old Orchard Beach and give as much expert analysis as I can muster. Long-time reader Matthew Thomas Lauzon requested that I also look into the Massachusetts ballot, but it’s late and I’m tired and I missed my exit driving home from work, so I won’t be doing that.

Let’s get started.

National

U.S. President/U.S. Vice President

Hillary Clinton/Tim Kaine vs. Donald Trump/Mike Pence vs. Gary Johnson/Bill Weld vs. Jill Stein/Ajamu Baraka

This is the most important decision on the ballot, but it’s also probably the most straight forward.

I voted for Gary Johnson in 2012, but I was on a Libertarian kick through most of college, and I’m over that now. And speaking of college, I was pretty good with Baraka freshman year, but I don’t think I’d ever vote for Shao Kahn to be President.

That leaves me with Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton, and trust me, I wanted to believe.

I wanted to believe that Donald Trump the candidate was performance art. I wanted to believe that Trump was using his experience from Wrestlemanias 4,5, and 23 to convince the unwashed masses to vote for him.

And I was actually willing to vote for Trump if it meant I could point and laugh at all the marks that were duped by the Donald. Like The Immortal One once said, I worked myself into a shoot.

The only person truly qualified to run the country left in this race is Hillary Clinton.

I know that she’s an unlikable robot try-hard who feels the need to convince us she registers emotions. I didn’t say she was my favorite person, just the one with the credentials to be President.

Playa Hater’s Pick: Hillary Clinton

U.S. Representative

Mark I. Holbrook vs. Chellie Pingree

I’ll be honest with you, I didn’t know Pingree was up for re-election until last week. And I know nothing about her opponent.

If I do know one thing about U.S. Representative races, though, it’s that the have some of the best commercials. So let’s see what Mr. Holbrook’s got.

Not a good look, dawg.

Playa Hater’s Pick: Chellie Pingree

State

ME State Senator

Justin M. Chenette vs. Timothy N. Sevigny

This race has been marred by some nastiness directed at Chenette’s sexual orientation by the Chairman of the York County Republican Committee. As far as I know, Sevigny had nothing to do with that.

The problem with Sevigny is that he’s an enigma. The dude doesn’t even have a picture on Ballotpedia.

He could be a lizard. I’m not taking any chances.

Playa Hater’s Pick: Justin M. Chenette

ME State Representative

Michael E. Coleman vs. George Hogan

Whenever I head down to the beach, I end up getting food at the place Hogan used to own. These are the stupid rationalizations that lead to critical votes in local elections.

Playa Hater’s Pick: George Hogan

Question 1

Legalizes marijuana for persons over 21 years old, subject to state regulation and taxation.

I was pretty torn on this question. On one side, you have stoners, whom I loathe. On the other side, you have pearl-clutchers and super-hippies afraid of BIG WEED taking their business.

Let me be clear, if you smoke weed, that’s cool. It’s when smoking weed becomes your identity as a human being that you tend to lose me.

Have you ever talked to a hardcore stoner abut weed? I don’t want to give that person any validity.

You don’t need drugs to be cool, you guys.

In the nature of full transparency, I would also outlaw craft beer or anything else that brings others joy.

Playa Hater’s Pick: No

Question 2

Raises taxes by 3% on income over $200,000 to create a fund for K-12 student support.

This is an awesome tax increase because I know it will never affect me. And if it did, that would be an awesome problem to have.

Rich people, it’s time for you to pay for schools, or whatever this says. I don’t care, tax them 900 percent.

Playa Hater’s Pick: Yes

Question 3

Requires background checks on gun sales between non-licensed dealers.

Guns are spooky, and I’m not above voting out of fear.

Playa Hater’s Pick: Yes

Question 4

Raises the minimum wage.

While raising the minimum wage to $12 by 2020 won’t affect me, this question does allow for “annual cost-of-living increases thereafter.”

My hope is that eventually, minimum wage will exceed what I earn, and I can get a raise without going through the awkward process of asking for one.

Playa Hater’s Pick: Yes

Question 5

Allows ranked-choice voting in federal and state elections.

Now THIS is something to get excited about.

Question 5 would introduce voters to one of earth greatest concepts: power rankings.

It’s deceptively simple. All you have to do is rank your candidates.

  1. Hillary Clinton
  2. Gary Johnson
  3. The other two

It’s that easy! And you can power-rank anything, from NHL teams to Canadians.

Playa Hater’s Pick: Yes

Question 6

Issues a $100 million bond for transportation infrastructure.

I blew a tire yesterday. It’s nice to see the state do something about it.

Playa Hater’s Pick: Yes

Local

York County Register of Probate

Carol J. Lovejoy vs. Allen R. Sicard

I think someone named “Lovejoy” is more than qualified to register probes.

Playa Hater’s Pick: Carol J. Lovejoy

York County Judge of Probate

Bryan M Chabot vs. Bernard J Broder III vs. Robert M. Auclair Nadeau

You may not know this, but Robert Nadeau is the bad boy of probate judges. He’s been reprimanded multiple times, and he’s coming off a 30-day suspension just in time for the election.

This is the kind of local politics that I can get behind. An official who does a job that I don’t understand, and yet I can still point to that official as an example of how corrupt our political system is, man.

Playa Hater’s Pick: Robert M. Auclair Nadeau

Song with a depressingly short shelf life

Get Hype Game of the Night!

Don’t watch sports tonight. Keep your eyes glued to quality election coverage all night long.

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I got a promotion!

Hey guys!

This is my obligatory blog post announcing that I’ve climbed the corporate ladder sufficiently enough to start earning a salary. Good for me! And you, I guess, if you’ve supported me in the past. Good for you.

I will now be going by the spiffy new title of Web Content Producer. This position comes with a whole host of benefits and other corporate things that I don’t completely understand. I can’t wait to meet with HR today so I can smile and nod my way through that conversation.

I start as soon as they hire someone to do my current job. I start my normal hours as soon as they hire someone to work weekends. So if you’re looking for a job in news, the least you can do is help me get the ball rolling on this.

Now, I know a lot of you are concerned about what this means for my Pirate’s Cove career. Fear not, as the most talented person on that roster, I will be returning to help whenever they need me.

Well maybe not whenever. I’ll be able to help if they need me during times that aren’t Mon-Fri, 3-11 p.m. It seems like a good compromise to me.

That’s all I’ve really got for you today. Feel free to leave the likes and comments that I’m so desperately fishing for with a post like this.

Song for when things are finally how they’re post to be

Get Hype Game of the Night!

North Carolina vs. Louisville – 7 p.m. – ESPN

The whole downside to this new job situation is that I’m pretty sure there isn’t a TV on the web desk. I’m going to miss watching games on a desk TV.

200 blogs and nothing to say

If you’ve read anything I’ve ever written, you know what this intro paragraph is about. I blog, and then sometimes I don’t blog, and then I write about how I’m going to blog again. I’ve done this so many times that I’m not even sure which comeback gimmicks I’ve already used.

This is despite the fact that my last comeback gimmick was a list of said gimmicks. It’s a great way to knock out 75 words.

Anyway, here’s the part where I tell you why I’m blogging again. It’s not because Matt Lauzon asked me too. It’s not because I like clogging your Facebook feed with my nonsense. It’s not because I secretly hope that someone of importance will discover my writing, like it, and put me on the fast track to never having to work again.

I do this because it makes me feel better. There’s a catharsis in being able to write about whatever I want, whenever I want. And there’s nothing better than when someone reaches out and tells me that my blog wasn’t the worst thing they read that day.

Do your part, people.

What I’m trying to say is that I’ve enjoyed all of the ups and downs that have come with 200 posts on the Playa Hater’s Blog. Maybe not enough to shell out the $18 for a domain name, but I’ve enjoyed it enough to type 200 more.

Eventually.

Song for debuting in the Royal Rumble

Get Hype Game of the Night

Spurs vs. Warriors – 10:30 p.m. – NBA TV

The two best basketball teams in the world square off in what will surely be a Western Conference Final preview. San Antonio comes into Oakland riding a 13-game winning streak. Golden State is 20-0 at home this season. Something has to give on a channel you might not have at a time you might not be awake.

Crying is hard, and other sad details about my life

I debated for a long time about whether or not I wanted to open up and write about this today. I know that just last week I was writing about how everything was going well for me, and that the world was going to be sunshine and rainbows from here on out. But life is just not that easy when you have an inferiority complex.

I struggle a lot with self-doubt, and sometimes that’s all it takes to bring a person down. I do my best to try and cover up when I’m feeling this way . I try to use humor to keep people from noticing that I’m lost and scared and these jokes are just a cry for help and blah blah blah blah blah.

Yesterday wasn’t that bad. I actually think I did a good job at work. What I couldn’t escape though, was this constant fear that maybe I was a detriment to the people both at work and in my life. This fear was so great that I reached a full-blown hatred of myself by the time I got to the parking lot.

“So,” I thought, “maybe it would be cathartic to have a bit of a cry on the way home.” I hopped in my vehicle, put on some DMX (The Great Depression album, obviously), and tried to make water come out of my face. It didn’t go very well. All I really managed to do was obscure my vision for much of the drive home.

You can add “crying” to the list of things I’m not very good at.

I did get one tear out, though, which vastly improved my mood because I felt like Denzel Washington.

What I’m trying to say, the point I’m trying to make, is that with all the misery I put myself through every single day, nothing makes me more upset than the fact that the Los Angeles Clippers are going to play an entire NBA season with these uniforms.

They are just hideous.

Link for you to click on

Fantasy Basketball

Song for after you dig into your soul to write a “Clippers have bad uniforms” joke

Get Hype Game of the Night!

Blue Jays vs. Royals – 8:07 p.m. – FS1

David Price has lost all of his career playoff starts. He’ll try to end that curse tonight against Ventura.

Everything’s coming up Milhouse

I’ve been in a funk for the last two months. Dealing with this new job, while still working at Pirate’s Cove, left me with very little free time. And what free time I did have, I spent sleeping.

It was a very taxing experience, being “Mr. No Days Off.” I don’t know how Darren Young does it.

I lost track of time. Everything just blended together as one long work day. I felt like I was on a terrible ride and I couldn’t get off.

But now, Pirate’s Cove is done for the season. As much as I’ll miss it, it’s nice to be able to have my weekends back.

And the timing couldn’t be better, as Regis is back home from his 12th different job. Now I can do everything I’ve missed out on the past couple months, like play poker and go golfing, or maybe stop by a bar to watch a game.

I feel like I’m a real person again. I can’t even express how happy I am right now. It’s all positive from here on out.

Link for you to click on

Fantasy basketball

Song for losing track of what day it is

Get Hype Game of the Night!

Rangers vs. Blue Jays – 4:07 p.m. – FS1

The Blue Jays were able to stave off elimination for two straight games on the road. Hamels faces Stroman in the fifth and final game of the series.

I know how to do my job, just not my career

I love my job. That’s both jobs, by the way, but the WGME job for the purpose of this post. The newsroom has a great atmosphere, I like the people I work with, and there’s not much in a given night that I can screw up.

Now, for those of you who may not know, my position is only part-time because that’s where the entry-level job was. So when my grandmother messaged me on Facebook about a full-time sports writing opening at the Journal Tribune, I was a little torn about applying.

Journalism is a weird industry, in which things like the size of media markets makes a difference. So my current situation is: Lowest-level job at a company I really like in a decent sized market. In the hypothetical scenario that the Journal Tribune would hire me (No guarantee, because I suck at what I do) my situation would be: Job that I have a passion for in a small market with a company I may or may not like.

Because I like what I’m doing now, and the growth potential within Sinclair Broadcast Group, I feel like I would still want to stick with WGME at least through a promotion. I only wish that I had some sort of validation that this would be the right move.

I know it’s cliche to say that schools should teach life skills, but I would have appreciated a course about having a media career in college. There are a ton of factors that confuse the situation. Do you want the big job in a small market, or the small job in a big market? I know the sensible thing would be to reach out and contact a mentor from school, but sensibility isn’t the way to get easy blog topics.

For now, I’m comfortable seeing where WGME takes me, but that still means I have a major decision to make. Sinclair Broadcast Group just mailed me a packet of information about 401K options, and I have no idea what I’m doing.

I could open to any page in the book (It’s actually two books!) they sent me, and find at least four phrases I know nothing about. I’d rather gamble my retirement on sports.

I totally understand what those investing commercials are all about now. You need to hire some soulless jabroni to do this stuff for you for because no normal person wants to deal with it. Society is dumb like that.

Links for you to click on

Fantasy Hockey

Fantasy Basketball

Song for reading your 401K packet

Was wrestling good last night?

No.

Get Hype Game of the Night!

Angels vs. Rangers – 8:05 p.m. – ESPN

Two teams jockeying for a playoff spot decide to pit their putrid starters against each other. Weaver vs. Perez means that a lot of runs will be scored.

My first real day on the job

Yesterday I had mentioned that I have been at my new job for long enough that it might not even be my new job anymore. It’s just my job now, no matter how quickly it seems like the past month has gone by.

And seeing that I’ve been there for a month, yesterday was my first day on the job without a supervisor there to train me. Okay, maybe not my first day without training, but definitely my first day without the safety net I’m used to.

So, you’re wondering, how’d it go?

Well, if we’re maintaining the safety net analogy, I still fell, but there were some helpful bystanders there to make sure that I didn’t hit the ground too hard. Even better, I think there were even more bystanders making sure I didn’t land on anything important.

The worst thing that happened involved the teleprompter for the 6:30 newscast. On Thursdays and Fridays, I do prompter for the 10 and 11 p.m. broadcasts, which are a lot less involved. No one is watching the local news at that time.

Monday, I’m stuck working the main event. The 5, 6, and 6:30 shows flow into one another, so you have to have a smooth transition set up on the teleprompter. That didn’t happen last night.

The 6 p.m. show was ending, and I got caught slipping. As I looked for the 6:30 show to save myself before anyone could notice, I found that the file was not where it was supposed to be. Luckily, all of the anchors are super professional and were able to get by until we could find the 6:30 show.

The rest of the night was okay. I’m sure I gave off enough nervous energy that no one asked me to do anything too involved. I’m sure I screwed something else up and they were just being too polite to tell me.

Song for singing in the car after you know you screwed up at work

Was wrestling good last night?

No.

Get Hype Game of the Night

Astros vs. Yankees – 7:00 p.m. – MLB Network

Yankees  won the series opener on a walk-off sacrifice fly. Houston is throwing their ace Dallas Keuchel against a mediocre Ivan Nova.