Okay, a programming note real quick. I’m not going to be doing this every day anymore because it leads to me feeling burnt out and guilty for hounding you on social media.

But I’m willing to indulge everyone today because “May 2” has been pounded into everyone’s head as the greatest sports day ever. I’m here to put a damper on all the excitement. This day is entirely media-orchestrated, and the only cool thing about couldn’t possibly have been planned for by anyone involved.

But hey, I’ll break it down piece by piece for you so you know where I’m coming from.

7:45 a.m.

Newcastle United vs. Leicester City

So the day starts (if you’re a real sports fan) with this tilt between some lowly Premier League sides. Quite a curtain-jerker you’ve got going on there, May 2.

This game already happened and it was alright, I guess. Leicester played like a championship-quality team, while Newcastle played like a Championship-quality team. There were calls all game for Carver to be sacked. Times are tough for Newcastle.

10:00 a.m.

QPR vs. Liverpool

This game is going on right now. Coutinho continued his good form this season with a wonderful goal somewhere around the 20th minute. That’s all that’s really happened so far.

It is important to note that before the match there was a banner above the stadium calling for Brendan Rodgers’ job. Now I’m all for overreacting and firing head coaches, but this seems a little too harsh. There’s nothing wrong with the Europa League, Liverpool.

Oh, QPR is level now.

12:00 p.m.

NFL Draft

ESPN is going to be showing the NFL Draft today from 12 p.m. until 8 p.m. For those keeping track at home, that’s eight hours of the draft. And this was one of ESPN’s selling points on why this day was so great.

“Hey guys, May 2 is going to have all of these great sporting events you need to care about. Oh, by the way, we will be showing the same thing for eight hours.”

It’s not even the fun part of the draft, either. This is the part of the draft where the only thing moving on the screen is the ticker.

Really captivating television.

12:30 p.m.

West Brom vs. Manchester United and Capitals vs. Rangers

At least NBC is giving you variety today. They’re even using CNBC to give you some soccery goodness. I wish they were using CNBC to give me another season of Money Talks. If you’ve never seen it, I think there are episodes on YouTube.

It’s the best/worst show that used to be on TV.

Before we move on, I have to take back what I said about ESPN. They just aired an NBA playoffs commercial featuring Fabolous’ Breathe.

That song is too good.

Oh god nevermind, Darren Rovell is on TV.

4:00 p.m.

Various horses racing each other

Sweet, an outdated sport that doesn’t have any relevance except for one day a year! I bet we won’t see anymore of that today!

In all seriousness, I like watching both horse racing and boxing, but using these two sports to sell today as something special is ridiculous.

This isn’t the sixties, there are better things on TV. Besides, the Kentucky Derby is only two minutes long. Get on Twitter, and tune in just before the races you care about. That’ll show ’em.

8:00 p.m.

Spurs vs. Clippers

This.

This is the reason for today to matter.

Game 7. The reigning champs versus (in my opinion) the second-best team in the West (league). This is going to be awesome. As I’ve said before, I think the Clippers are going to pull this one out.

11:20 p.m.

Mayweather vs. Pacquiao

Do not give either of these men money.

I mean, watch the fight, but don’t pay for it. Mayweather is a bad person, and this has actually been incorporated into the build-up. But having Floyd play heel doesn’t automatically make Manny a babyface.

Pacquiao has a history of homophobia, which is compounded by the fact that he’s a government official in the Philippines.

Eh, actually, forget about it. I want Manny to knock Floyd out.