Okay, so here’s the deal. This column has gone through a few changes in the past week and I feel like I need to alter my content to suit that. For example, I think that the fancy new graphic above these words should be paired with something like less-awful fantasy advice.
I mean seriously, how bad was Week 2? I think I only hit on one prediction, and that was because the Chiefs thought that Jamaal Charles looked better on a stationary bike than on the field. Honestly, the only reason the Creightonian gave me a graphic was to distract you from how terrible my picks were last week. If you are willing to forget about it, I’m right with you.
Besides, I have something a little different to talk about this week. I assume if you’re reading this you might have basic knowledge of fantasy sports. What you might not be so well versed in is fantasy celebrity gossip.
I stumbled upon this idea while looking for a new host for my fantasy hockey league. However, since the NHL season is “on ice” for the time being, I think this will be a great way to pass the time.
Here’s how it works: various celebrities, ranging from actors to socialites, get points for being mentioned on a gossip website. Different categories of mentions, like rehab or breakups, are worth different point values.
It is a dynasty league, (and spots are still open, contact me on Facebook) so I’m in this for the long hall. And since my draft is on Saturday, (3:30 pm. Did I mention the open spots?) I think it would be a good time to lay out my draft strategy in this column so anyone who is reading this would have the upper hand on me if they joined the league. Please join the league.
I’ll warn you, I have no experience with celebrity gossip. What I do have is a very particular set of skills. Skills that help me look at stats and make projections; Skills that make me a nightmare for people who haven’t yet contacted me on Facebook to find out the league information. Anyway, I see a few different kinds of celebrities I want on my team.
The Home Runs: These are your safe bets, the first-round picks. People like Katy Perry, Kanye West, Lindsay Lohan, Kim Kardashian and Kristen Stewart won’t likely lose their fame anytime soon. You want one of these fantasy monsters on your squad.
The Stretch Plays: These are the celebs who can probably own the headlines for anywhere between a week to a couple months. They aren’t always consistent, but they can help you in a playoff scenario. Here, I’m looking at Tom Cruise, Taylor Swift or Chris Brown.
The Young Starlets: America constantly falls in love with young actresses, usually from the Disney stable, who go on to flame out as they get older. While they’re famous, however, it’s a lot of fun to watch them crash and burn. Sooner or later Miley Cyrus, Justin Beiber (Ha!) and Selena Gomez will wind up in trouble. I want to be there to prey on their misery.
The Deep Sleepers: Anyone’s kid can qualify for this list. What’s the point of a dynasty league if I can’t take a flyer on Suri Cruise? I definitely want to look back and say, “Yeah, I drafted that star 20 years ago.”
So there’s my advice, now join the league.